Hang on. I never said I don't like Indian food. It's 'Curry' I can't stand. Let me start with standard definitions of curry:
1. a generic description used throughout European culture to describe a general variety of side dishes, best known in South Asian cuisines, especially Indian cuisine. The word curry is an anglicised version of the Tamil word kari which is usually understood to mean "gravy" or "sauce" rather than "spices (Wikipedia)
2. a pungent dish of vegetables, onions,meat or fish, etc., flavored with various spices or currypowder, and often eaten with rice(dictionary.com)
3. a dish of meat, vegetables or fish cooked in a hot, spicy sauce of Indian origin (Oxford English Dictionary)
Straightforward? You'd think!!
In my new world, I have learnt during the last two years to steer clear of anything associated with a curry. That is because, curry is used as a generic term to describe anything remotely Asian. Served in whatever way. And usually (as most friends will agree) quite morbidly inedible. Having heard previously that Indian cuisine is quite popular in the UK, I was looking forward to sampling a wide variety of fare once I got here. Especially while living in London. To my dismay, there couldn't be anything further from the truth! Here are some facts (based on experiences of friends and myself, and occasionally hearsay, and certainly not on sound research methodology) when it comes to 'curry' in England:
1. There is at least one Indian/ Curry restaurant/takeaway on every High Street, even in the remotest village. Yay? Hardly.
2. Most of these will have an inexhaustible menu which looks something like this
Naturally a huge turn-off if you were expecting some quality in your meal. Instead what you get is unimaginative permutations and combinations (LAMB curry, balti lamb, lamb bhoona, lamb madras, CHICKEN curry, balti chicken, chicken bhoona, chicken madras, KING PRAWN curry....you get the picture) Not to be confused with wide range of choice.
3. All gravy dishes will have a very suspiciously deep orange-red colour that will stay on your fingers (and sometimes lips) for days on end.
4. The same deep-red gravy will have pieces of your choice of meat or veg floating in it, no matter which dish you have ordered.
5. The same shade of deep red will adorn any tikka/kabab kind of starter.
6. Samosas and onion bhajis (pakoras) which are relished as tea-time delicacies back home, will be served to you as a starter. And the samosas will be weirdly flat and potato-less. Mango or other flavoured lassi is a standard Indian meal menu drink, available all through the year. Poppadoms are the inevitable accompaniment.
6. Now to get to the crux of the matter: Indian food=spicy, right? Wrong! Show me a spicy curry in a restaurant and I will show you a...never mind. To me eating food without a hint of spice is like living life without having loved. But opinions can differ. And no I do not infuse my food with tons of red chillies (my cooking is very healthy as the better-half will testify, so is his) , but I do appreciate some flavour. To be fair, Asian restaurants have catered to the European clientèle by allowing the food/flavours to adapt to more mellow taste buds (instead of the other way round) and I appreciate the fact that the food industry is an industry after all. Hence, this distinction: curry=British Asian cuisine NOT Indian food.
7. You're walking down the street and you spot a fancy looking restaurant advertising Indian fare. (Spice Lodge, Taste of East, such like) The exteriors are lush, the interior warm and inviting. The decor tasteful. The staff look smart and friendly. You are oh so tempted. Stay away! You will definitely regret emptying your pockets for insipid food served with a treacherous smile.
8. So you've gone in anyway and you decide to request an extra spicy dash to your order, naturally the staff will appreciate the fact that you appear Asian, and will happily oblige. Well, what you get is a disdainful frown, (the 'regular' customers like it bland, you see). Your dish then arrives with a generous scattering of long sliced green chillies, which you will not eat anyway.
9. You spot another canteen-ish looking place, with bright lights, desi crowds, and bawdy Bollywood music. Run inside, and wait in the queue. Satisfaction guaranteed. (My one venture at a posh Asian restaurant in Birmingham-the birthplace of Balti cuisine, was an absolute disaster)
10. Curry does make a regular appearance on several television cookery shows, such as the Great British Menu and my everyday essential Come Dine With me. But I do NOT watch these for the recipes!! Most TV curries will feature diced meat, boiled up with a jar of commercial curry paste. Ever so gross!
11. The only recipes from Western curry-chefs that I would consider using would have to be those of Madhur Jaffrey, Manju Malhi or Cyrus Todiwala whose Saturday Kitchen recipe I successfully modified using fish instead of lamb (healthy, see?)
But we are moving into another realm now...which will require more blogging from me in the future.
12. As I have said earlier, all the opinions expressed above are my own, and there are exceptions. I have indeed had the good fortune to have some very good Indian food on several occasions, most of the time at home, cooked by mine own fair hands. And rarely at curry restaurants as well.
